Eight Fears

1- Falling to death or getting shot. I've had a few dreams where I fall to death and it scares me so bad! This is probably why I don't like hiking because I'm so scared I'll slip and fall off a cliff or something. And I'm always scared of making some random person mad at me and then having them pull out a gun. I just want to die peacefully!


2- Not having any of Drew's or mine future dreams come true. This sounds a little odd but let me explain. Ever since Drew and I met, it seems like we have always had bad luck with things. We try so hard to do the right thing and it just feels like every time we move up a little, something comes along that puts us two steps back from fulfilling our dreams. It sucks. We just want so bad for both of us to graduate and get our degrees and be able to start making good money and move back east and raise a family. This dream of ours is what keeps us moving on each day, trying harder and harder to get to that point. Somedays it seems like nothing will ever go right for us but we know if we keep doing the right things we'll eventually make it. 


3- Losing everything I own in a fire. I just think it would be so awful to have to start over. We have so many sentimental things that would be devastating to lose. Not to mention everything else that we have that we've worked so hard for. But in all honestly, if this did happen, I would be able to live through it as long as Drew was ok. And Tweety. 


4- Losing Drew. Seriously this make me cry just thinking about it. I think of the movie "The Time Traveler's Wife" and how she never knew how much time she was going to have with him so they had to make every second together special. I always hate when we get in an argument because what if it's the last time we see each other? This is why couples should never argue. If I were to ever lose Drew I would go to sleep and never wake up. Sorry to be so depressing but it's my number one fear. 


5- Failing People. I always have this heavy burden on me (put on by my own crazy self) making me feel like I have to take care of everyone that I love. I make everyone's problem my problem and sometimes it becomes too much to bear. I just hate knowing that my family and friends aren't ok. I put it on my self to solve everyone's problem. This is why I am always so stressed out because I am constantly worried about different people. I won't get into too much detail I just feel like if I can't solve all their problems then I am disappointing them. I hate feeling like a failure. 


6- Not getting into the Nursing program. I am so scared I'm not going to make it. Either my grades won't be good enough or I'll botch the interview. I don't know what I'll do if I don't make it in. I have to get in so I can graduate in time to start working so we can move for Drew's graduate school. It's so much pressure and I just feel like I'm not good enough sometimes.


7- That I'll be a horrible mother and wife. I am so scared that I will follow in a certain someone's footsteps. If I ever turn into her, please kill me. Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to be the "cool" mom and the trophy wife. Haha it sounds so silly but I want to be the mom/wife driving my six kids around in the Denali, dropping them off at dance and football, running around all day doing errands and having to do laundry at two am so everyone has clean clothes to wear. I want our home to be welcoming so our kids and their friend's will always have a safe haven to hang out at. I want us to be "the cool Mormon family" in our neighborhood of non-mormons. 


8- I feel all depressed from writing this post so I'm going to make my last fear something dumb and funny. I'm scared that I'll never get my brown bailey button Uggs that I've been saving for cause I keep spending my savings for it. So sad :(